SPTGT116 Day 7 & 8

You know when you are really low and you give up and give in but then suddenly the next day is going according to the plan all by itself and it’s just fabulous. You know when you swing constantly from despair to elation?

That’s what I’ve been feeling lately. Yesterday was pretty bad, not really food wise, I did great, it’s more my mood that’s affected. I am not really sure why. I just want to explode (and blow M with me… ) :(

I am torn between my need to eat the right stuff and not eating. My mind is constantly pulling be apart. Eat this, don’t eat, this is good for you, you need this, no you don’t. This is very calorific but also very good for you. No! Don’t eat it, you won’t lose with healthy, hearty food like this!

I am tired.

It’s not that I am not motivated, it’s the opposite. I am motivated but the path is going two opposite ways and I cannot decide. And I hate myself because I cannot make a choice about food, my life, my love life, money, my job. I am instead doing nothing but being scared that I might make the wrong choice.

God I just want to be free and light and without problem. Is that too much to ask?
I guess it is.

Wed. Oct. 21, 09
700 calories allowed

Breakfast
Scottish Oatmeal prepared with maple syrup and soy milk (225)

Lunch
1 cup Vegetable juice (60)
Small bowl of fruit salad (130)

Snack
1 Small gala apple (60)

Dinner
Detox teriyaki chicken (280)
Sauted veggies
Couscous with red pepper and tomatoes (160)
Almond and jam cake (240)

Total: 1,155

Exercise
NONE
Total: 0
More than half's worth of eating : FAIL
Less than 1,200 cal/day: CHECK!
No junk food: OOPS
2 L Water: CHECK!

Thurs. Oct. 22, 09
760 calories allowed

Breakfast
Scottish Oatmeal with ½ pear (190)

Lunch
Bowl of crudités, no sauce (0)

Dinner
Broiled organic salmon fillet (175)
Wild and brown rice with broccoli and mushrooms (280)

Total: 645

Exercise
1hr yoga (400)
Night at the club 5h (650)

Total: 1,050
More than half's worth of eating : CHECK!
Less than 1,200 cal/day: CHECK!
No junk food: CHECK!
2 L Water: CHECK!