I am taking a bath so you don't hear me puke

Mood : Zombie / Brain-dead
Listening to : The Chase – Giorgio Moroder
Reading : Slaughterhouse 5
Watching : Tron
Eating: Sushis
Drinking: Vegetable Juice

Thursday
B :
Scottish oatmeal with soy milk 105
L:
Flatbread ham sandwich 330
D:
Soup 250
S:
Bagel Crisps 130

Total: 815

Phew! I am so tired. The swine flu is really bringing be down and the club night was craaazy last night. I had maybe 3hrs of sleep? Result: I am an absolute zombie at work today. I don’t have much to do anyway but I don’t think I’ll go out tonight. Maybe I’ll watch some movies or just get some sleep. I guess it depends on how M is feeling. Oh man, I’m telling you yesterday was epic! I had a little too much to drink (on almost empty stomach) but it was well compensated with dancing and walking and having fun. Socializing did a lot of good to my little soul.

Food-wise I am doing so-so. I am in a weird state of mind. It’s not that I eat that much, it’s the purging that’s getting out of control. I will eat a restricted portion then purge it. For no particular reason, not even because I binge or whatever. It’s like if I just want the taste and as soon as I’ve finished eating I have to get rid of it. I know it’s bad, but I cannot help it. I just can’t stand the weight in my belly. How fucked up is that? Needless to say I have to get rid of this habit. I need to force in my little skull that eating is NECESSARY. I mean, I’m eating good food, I am restricting, I simply don’t need to purge almost systematically. At this point plain fasting would be better (NOT).

I have busy weekend ahead. I am having dinner with A tomorrow and I have no idea of what we will eat or event if we will go out or not. Sunday I have a brunch with my father and then dinner with my mom. Lots of eating and socializing ahead (danger! danger!) but I’ve already told both my parents that I was eating with the other so I won’t be eating much and to plan something light. I THINK I can handle it.

So the plan is: fasting until dinner tomorrow (or if eating needed; crudités with hummus) and weigh in right before going out. And on Sunday: STAY IN CONTROL.



I’ll try to keep you posted but if I can’t: I hope you all have a great weekend wherever you are.

Love you!

P.S. The EVIL bag of bagel crisps empty now. And I WON'T buy another one. It's OVER.