A2

I am meeting a friend next week; A2. A2 and I used to be really close. She is 2 years younger than me but we have lots of points in common and we really enjoy ourselves in each other’s company. Unfortunately exterior stuff made our relationship hard and we had to stop seeing each other for a while. I doubt I will ever be as closed to her as, say; last Christmas, in the future. But it’s life and there are things we cannot change. However, right now we are making our best effort to mend the pieces.

A2 is 5’5” and weighs between 110 and 115 depending on how she feels. Basically she is hovering between healthy and under weight.

Back in January I started this diet and A2 encouraged me to do it and she was very supportive. She even decided to pay attention to her eating to loose a bit too (she was maybe 120 at that time). So I was on this diet, originally wanting to lose 30 pounds and stop at 133lbs. Things were going steady, slowly, but I was doing it the right way. Then, A2 pushed me headfirst into the ED world.

About 6 months ago, she sent me a link to a blog. The very first ED blog I read. I don’t know how she came across it but she wanted to show me the horrible pictures of skinny girls (I’m talking about hardcore anorexia here) and she told me she never ever wanted to look like that.

So I looked at the blog and read it and soon became obsessed by it. I was repelled and attracted at the same time. There I learned to fast, restrict, count calories. I learned what thinspiration was, what BPing was, C&S was, who Ana and Mia were. And in a matter or a week or so I morphed into what I am right now; somewhere between Orthorexia Nervosa, Purging Disorder, and whatever other EDNOS I might have developed.

My ED was probably there already. It was under the surface, waiting to sprout and A2 was just the last step to its soaring. But the exact same thing happened to A2, only to a smaller scale. Just like me, she became very interested by food and work out. She read Skinny Bitch and turned into a vegetarian overnight.

We never really talked about it, but I know. She is much more naïve than me and she talks more freely about her eating habits. It’s obvious to anyone who knows to listen and relates (me). Under 1000 calories/day is restricting no matter how you disguise it. So anyway, she’s in the same boat as I. Of course, a bit of competition had to come between us and with all the other stuff going on it was intense. Intense and unspoken.

The bomb exploded a bit before June. I was 135 lbs. She was 110 and obviously winning this part of the competition. Last time I saw her was on July 14 and I was 130. I am now at 120. 10 pounds lighter and bonier than before. I know this will sound awful, but if I can manage to go down at 118 by next Monday or Wednesday I will consider myself victorious. I know for a fact that she gained a bit lately after a trip south and another one abroad.

In any case, this (unhealthy) tought has given me a new resolution boost and I think it should push me to train more. Something I have neglected this week.