.

I am down, incredibly down. I do not have any energy. My periods have kicked in and instead of giving leg pain as usual, I am simply out of motivation. My face is still swollen from drunk acrobatics. I feel as sexy as a potato bag. I cannot do any yoga (periods + swollen face= not a good idea to do reverse poses...) and I cannot muster any force to do; say biking or aerobics or even some simple walking. I just sit here, watch series and do nothing.

And I am eating like a fucking huge whale. 1000 calories yesterday. 900 calories today and probably some more once I give in the chocolate that screams my name in the cupboard.

It's been rainning here since Sunday. It will rain until next weekend. I just want to roll into a fluffy blanket and forget that I exist. Forget my stomach pains and forget this horrible horrible feeling of loneliness. I wish I could at least create. But I cannot even do that.

I don't have much to say. I think I'll take a quick break, at least until my periods are over. Then I'll see where I'm at. I am stuck on a plateau and I won't budge from 123. I need to stop focusing entirely on my weight.

Yes.

I am giving myself until the end of the week to find balance and to extirpate myself from this pool of self-loathing. I won't count calories. I won't bother and when I'll be back, I'll have a detox. Haven't done one in a while. Maybe, only maybe then I'll feel a bit better.

Dpn't you worry, I'll still read your every post. But I won't write on here until next monday.
I love you all girls and I wish you all the best.
xxx
Luella