Panic attack vs Zen

Not there yet.

I try really hard to be zen and at peace with myself. I practice meditation and I do my best to go with the flow. But when it comes to food, why can’t I have the same peaceful approach? Every unexpected twist pisses me off and I can’t seem to just let go.

Yesterday I had set my mind on chicken and peanut potatoes. Then I found out the potatoes were bad so I had to throw them out. I swear I almost cried. It’s just so pathetic! It took me a good 15 minutes to calm down and think of another plan. I was in deep panic... for damn potatoes! I really wish I could skip the desperate part and switch into the “let’s make this work” mindset right away. Anyway…

My day started with a yummy banana-blueberries smoothie then I had raw cucumber and cauliflower with hummus for lunch. Rye crispbread with peanut butter for snack and for dinner, after major panic attack, I made the chicken anyway with a bit of steamed cauliflower and carrots seasoned with thyme and oregano. See? Not so bad. I also had two small apples. Total of 900 calories for the day. I barely can say I am restricting, can I? Oh well, I cannot seem to be able to get lower or I binge like mad.

I went book shopping after work and I got myself Slaughterhouse 5 and a new yoga dvd called A.M and P.M yoga. Basically, it’s two short yoga sessions, one is to prepare your body for the day and the other one, you will have guessed, is to prepare it for a good night’s sleep. I tried them both, one yesterday and an other one this morning. They’re great! A lot more calm than the yoga I usually do (and maybe a bit too easy). I’ll try to mix them with my regular routine. Hehe, I’m really turning into a yoga maniac!

The weekend is coming up and I really need to watch myself and NOT eat like a pig and erase all my work. Tomorrow I am going out with my two bffs are we are going for sushis! Saturday I have my sister and a friend coming over for a “double date” dinner at my loft. Double date because I think my friend might have something for my sis. We’ll see. It will be a good time to play the "entremetteuse". Sunday, I don’t know yet. I might see my father. I might not.

Here’s the plan:
Friday: Fast until sushi time at around 7-8. Drink water and diet drinks during the day. Weight in. Yoga in the morning.

Satuday: I am the one receiving and the one cooking the main dish (it will be lam leg). My sister is bringing dessert and E the entrée. I will fast all day long because the dinner will surely be insanely calorific. Yoga in the morning so I will get up at 8. I have to go to the market so I’ll try and go really early, around 9AM. I will do a bit of cleaning once I get home then I will do my Vinyasa session. Biking if I still have energy. Then, I have to pamper myself. Make myself presentable (I have nothing to wear!). Once all is set and the lamb in the over I will relax by watching a movie with a glass of wine cuddle to M. After the dinner we are going out for a night of mayhem. Goal: no more than 2 drinks but wine is ok.

Sunday: Anything but binging like last Sunday.

Sounds good? I think so. All I need now is CONTROL. (and do just like her: eat only the strawberries and leave the cake alone)